Tuesday, March 24, 2009


Listen here peeps: I like wild and out there designs just as much as the next Dudebro, but things are spinning wildly out of control. Its more than obvious that everybody and their Ma has a premier purple-veined hard on for Ed Hardy, and whats not to like about a clothing designer who insists on ripping off someone born in 1911 ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sailor_Jerry )?
This story is headed to the eye doctor, where today I witnessed a sight most offensive, literal pupil rape: Ed Hardy sunglasses. FINALLY! Someone has cornered my long held desire for puma flame racing stripe sunglasses. Its about time! Fuck you Ed Hardy. Your so god damned boring its beyond description.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Fat People Upstairs = 146, Me = 0

Fuck you fat people, seriously. Fuck you so high and hard. I am planning on initiating a pan-global heart attack for all of you so I don't have to deal with your layers of shit anymore. I'm tired of you rolling your eyes at me when I'm out of your favorite sweets at the store I work at. Tired of you guiltily trying to explain that the 16,000 calories in your cart (all sugar) is "For your friend."
Most importantly I'm tired of struggling to sleep past 7am on my days off, because the tubs upstairs can't wait until I get up to do laps around the bedroom (directly above mine) at 4 in the fucking morning! I have been dealing with this shit for like 6 months now, fucking killing me for sure. They can't go on a walk outside, or do laps elsewhere in the building, nope.
Which brings me to my final statement about our lardier lads and lasses: Just like new Mothers with their enormous, over sized baby strollers, you think that we all have to put up with you cause "that's who I am, and this is what I'm doing". Well guess what? We don't. There was never a meeting where all of us who leave the table when full got together and decided we were going to put up with your shit (lets not forget the odor, Lord knows you heftier ones enjoy sharing your brand with us all). In fact, that meeting will never happen, because deep down everyone is disgusted with your dedication to cramming rolls of fat onto your frame.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Enough Rebooting Reboots of Remakes, Seriously!

I read just today at www.io9.com that Marvel is considering "rebooting" the Fantastic Four franchise. Correct, they are going to re imagine a franchise that has already been re imagined, with failure abound.
Marvel attempted a FF4 film in the early 90s that was so bad, so disastrous, that it is only available in bootleg! After waiting 15 years, and probably hoping that we had forgot: they come along with their "new" FF4 movies. You know the ones, Dr. Doom is a fucking trust fund baby (FAIL!), Galactus is purple mist instead of a light years tall Demi-God (EPIC FAIL!). They did the same thing with The Punisher: made a crap version with Lundregn (sic?) in 1988, rebooted it with Thomas Jane and Battlefield Earth Superstar John Travolta, then rebooted it AGAIN last year.
Here is my request to Marvel (DC has not shit the bed nearly as much so their safe, for now): If your not going to put heart and soul into your films, then stop fucking making them, period. You can reboot some shit 8,000 times, if the people making it don't give a shit, then why should we?