Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Management (Non)Training

So for some reason I got it in my head last February that I wanted to train for management at my job. I had gotten great scores on my last review and figured I would go for it. 8 months later and what a waste of frigging time.

I was told on my Jan 09 review by my boss that I was "in the top 20% of the company", in terms of productivity. Hence began my belief that I was ready for this. I would began my management education after submitting my "time line" for my training. Yes that's correct. I work at a company so brimming to the top with fruity-p.c. bullshit I had to submit to them how long it was going to take me to finish this up.

After I submitted my road map or whatever buzzword they had crapped out their corporate mouth/anus for it that week, away I went. Just to give an idea of how hungry I am for income: I barely make over 20k a year. Not victimizing, just painting the picture for you.

Once I had submitted my TPS report on intended progress, I was paired with the most unpleasant manager I have ever dealt with in my life. She was in charge of my "development". My thirst for diversity has helped my secure 27 jobs at almost 28 years old, so you see I'm drawing from a gigantic pool of troll managers here. To sum her up quickly: "A hatchet faced, anorexic cunt who incessantly shakes her disgustingly non existent size zero ass everywhere she walks. Wonderfully paired with the worst interpersonal skills I have ever seen." You get the picture: an absolutely despot skag of a woman basically pissed off 24/7 because the only cock she gets is half in the bag rednecks in dumpster dives on the outskirts of town.

Over the next 7 months I tried as much as possible to get my "mentor" to mentor me on anything. Not to bore you with the trivialities of what mundane, putrescent monkey shines it takes to make it through a shift at my job, but she wouldn't let me try any of them. Although its probably tough training someone on the combined affects of a hangover and the 5th morning after pill in as many days. Finally I confronted her and asked where can we start? This gremlin turd of a person tells me "putting cans on the shelf". Here's the big reveal: I work at a grocery store! When I was told this I had been there for 30 months. Imagine my delight at discovering I would be starting at something I figured I mastered 29 months back.

Once that bedrock busting (around mid August) convo tumbled from the sky I decided it was time to let the training go and just work hard. During this time I was removed from the gutter tramp's tutilage and placed under the supervision of a manager I actually respect. "Here we go" I thought. Last week he and I are sitting down at our first "Mentor Meeting" and he asks me how my timeline meeting went. You read that right. Something I already did 7 months ago. Furthering the awesomeness he assumed this meeting that had never happened had, so you can imagine the priceless look on his face when he too realized he was surrounded by degenerate mongoloids.

Come to find out the standards for management have changed and the last 8 months has been a joke. They now expect me to sit through yet another horse shit meeting as they blow a multitude of wondrous smoke up my ass about how I'm still training. I have never been so ashamed or upset about anything in my life. These jag offs want me to start this crap over, let alone take it serious after jerking me red raw over the past 8 months. No thanks.

Be careful what you wish for, kiddies!