Monday, June 28, 2010

Don't Start None, Won't Be None

You cried over my use of the word predilection towards you and it was amazing. You were an exemplary representation of the continual onslaught I choose to endure daily. An onslaught of grotesquely out of shape/way too over the top fit sociopathic, self indulgent clods, who are perpetually schocked the world was not 100% calibrated to them that morning. For one second I just couldn't handle the ten millionth cat lady that reeks of feline piss telling me how to cram their disgusting assortment of frozen foods (its always all frozen foods, all the time) into her bag. Its a 6 sided, 3 dimensional, geometric shape, with one open side. Not a special macrame happiness machine that requires several undulations of your Jabba-esque face to unlock your joy beams for that day.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Thanks, DUDE!

Open letter to the man that JUST HAD to persecute me at work: Fuck your religous/fascist nonsense. The secular (see:real, see:actual) world will never accept you or anyone like you. Simply due to the fact you can't walk up to a sample station at a grocery store without bringing god to the mix, to the max, I may add. I hope your wife starts gang banging the local hog farmers on the side and comes home and kisses you very passionately with their pig tainted semen still on her lips. I hope your son becomes the universe's most famous, homosexual, alcoholic,Republican, Christian conservative, television evangelist, and treats you with the disdain and hatred you showed me. I hope your daughter becomes, against type, the next St. Pauli girl, in addition to the first openly Christian porn star, AND does a series of films all celebrating how cool The Crusades were. You, I hope you have to spend everyday of the rest of your clearly miserable, angry life modding at, strictly pork recipes. I hope, the most, that you drown while being water-boarded with Pabst, while watching every living family member you have blow pigs and be sodomized by men dressed alternately as Jesus Christ and George W. Bush.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010


Is there an universal meaning for "Support Our Troops"? The statement/sentiment/rhetoric confuses me. Is it an insanely popular non sequitor? Like "How are you today", or "What's up". What is proclaiming it indicative of?
When cornered into explaining it by the fervent nationalists which seem to dominate our society now, I say "I support their safety and well being, but not why they are there".
That is total bullshit. I hate the wars this country is perpetuating to an incredible degree. Probably more than I hate anything. Support our troops (to me) says that you're okay with an insanely complex government/corporation manipulating the living piss out of everything around it. I hope all military personal worldwide safely return to their respective homes, WHERE THEY BELONG.
Support 8yr old kids that had their arms blown off because a businessman half a world away decided "It had to be done".

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The Most Idiotic Thing I heard Today

I am constantly amazed at the complete banality of what people will claim to be experts on. Literally dozens of times a day I am completely stupefied, overhearing strangers claiming to know more about ideas and concepts as notable as dust mites. How pathetic do you have to be to announce in public that "you know a little more" about something, let alone when no one asked you where your knowledge base stood?
All 4 of you that read my previous post are aware that I work at a grocery store. Won't say which, just that customer service is much more stressed here than any other place you shop, period. While working register today I overheard a customer say to my manager "Even if your like, a hummus purist though"? Basically asserting, in a revoltingly self centered manner that she only liked plain hummus. This statement is the most mind boggling thing I have ever heard, no hyperbole.
Before I describe this woman in what will be deemed a negative manner, allow me to state that I had already met her acquaintance previously during her brief cameo at my place of employment, and she was a cunt. Just another completely disgusting, absolutely mortifying, rich, fat, white women. Who's only job is to push out babies, securing her inevitable alimony payments when she divorces the person who actually works in the family.
Now that you have this turgid 40 something year old abortion in your mind's eye, imagine her standing in front of you announcing she is a "hummus purist". Who cares? Who are these people, and where do they come from? How much actual meaning is your life missing, that you have to come in to where I work, and fucking announce your a "hummus purist"? If you are one of these "purists" and you don't look like your father's father's father's father's father's father's father times a million was roaming the fucking desert for his entire life; fuck you. You found out about hummus when you went to, and flunked out of community college you fat, cracker-ass bitch. As far removed from a purist of the subject as humanly possible.

*If you suffer from hummus purism please contact me. I will take you on a wonderful day trip and open your eyes to how wide the horizon is, hamburgers, for instance.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Management (Non)Training

So for some reason I got it in my head last February that I wanted to train for management at my job. I had gotten great scores on my last review and figured I would go for it. 8 months later and what a waste of frigging time.

I was told on my Jan 09 review by my boss that I was "in the top 20% of the company", in terms of productivity. Hence began my belief that I was ready for this. I would began my management education after submitting my "time line" for my training. Yes that's correct. I work at a company so brimming to the top with fruity-p.c. bullshit I had to submit to them how long it was going to take me to finish this up.

After I submitted my road map or whatever buzzword they had crapped out their corporate mouth/anus for it that week, away I went. Just to give an idea of how hungry I am for income: I barely make over 20k a year. Not victimizing, just painting the picture for you.

Once I had submitted my TPS report on intended progress, I was paired with the most unpleasant manager I have ever dealt with in my life. She was in charge of my "development". My thirst for diversity has helped my secure 27 jobs at almost 28 years old, so you see I'm drawing from a gigantic pool of troll managers here. To sum her up quickly: "A hatchet faced, anorexic cunt who incessantly shakes her disgustingly non existent size zero ass everywhere she walks. Wonderfully paired with the worst interpersonal skills I have ever seen." You get the picture: an absolutely despot skag of a woman basically pissed off 24/7 because the only cock she gets is half in the bag rednecks in dumpster dives on the outskirts of town.

Over the next 7 months I tried as much as possible to get my "mentor" to mentor me on anything. Not to bore you with the trivialities of what mundane, putrescent monkey shines it takes to make it through a shift at my job, but she wouldn't let me try any of them. Although its probably tough training someone on the combined affects of a hangover and the 5th morning after pill in as many days. Finally I confronted her and asked where can we start? This gremlin turd of a person tells me "putting cans on the shelf". Here's the big reveal: I work at a grocery store! When I was told this I had been there for 30 months. Imagine my delight at discovering I would be starting at something I figured I mastered 29 months back.

Once that bedrock busting (around mid August) convo tumbled from the sky I decided it was time to let the training go and just work hard. During this time I was removed from the gutter tramp's tutilage and placed under the supervision of a manager I actually respect. "Here we go" I thought. Last week he and I are sitting down at our first "Mentor Meeting" and he asks me how my timeline meeting went. You read that right. Something I already did 7 months ago. Furthering the awesomeness he assumed this meeting that had never happened had, so you can imagine the priceless look on his face when he too realized he was surrounded by degenerate mongoloids.

Come to find out the standards for management have changed and the last 8 months has been a joke. They now expect me to sit through yet another horse shit meeting as they blow a multitude of wondrous smoke up my ass about how I'm still training. I have never been so ashamed or upset about anything in my life. These jag offs want me to start this crap over, let alone take it serious after jerking me red raw over the past 8 months. No thanks.

Be careful what you wish for, kiddies!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Hate to say...

As it seems now the national health care plan is dead. The corporate vultures circled the near dead horse, patient as they are wealthy. Knowing all the while their caws would eventually drone out any priority that mattered, and they got their wish. They devour the entrails of public opinion and still the surprise. 70% of people in polls said they supported the plan. As usual, the religious conservative bleated loudest of all over the notion of their money being used perhaps, at some point, for an abortion. Here's a list of the things that taxes pay for that I have yet to hear the "Religious Right" complain about: The Army, The Navy, The Air Force, The Marines, bombs, planes that drop said bombs, secret prisons overseas, prisons in our own country ( the U.S. imprisons more of its own citizens than any country in the world), weapon development for use on U.S. citizens, any of the numerous bailouts, the war on drugs, puppet governments,the billions in military equipment we give Israel every year, coups. When these rich, religious douchebags turn on the knife comes, I will be first in line.
I could obviously drone on and on, and I'm not saying everything I listed was bad. All of those things are enormous money pits yet go unmentioned every single "news day". 4,331 soldiers have given their lives for nothing. For a giant, banker driven machine intent on nothing but oblivion. Obama is a puppet, just like all the puppets before him. I love the sullen faces of those that stood by braying like animals now that you have truly realized a black wolf in sheep's clothing is still a wolf in sheep's clothing. You chortled like drunks with bellies full of fine food about how much "CHANGE" was coming. America is a corporation, we all work for it. If you don't believe me, research what 90% of Obama's cabinet did for a living previous to him. The governement serves you in no way, shape, or form. We all live in the belly of the beast, and stomach acid is the choice of this generation. Bottoms up.

Friday, July 10, 2009

A Great Show for Dick Riders to Watch Other Dick Riders Ride Dick

1. Dick Rider
one who uses the male penis of another as a mode of transportation willfully to gain social or financial status with no regard of self integrity or how they are perceived by others

This is a very touchy subject for me, mainly because I'm so against it. Dick Riding is something that is hard to grasp for some, and harder to explain to others. When your a dude who's hanging with the same bro, laughing at his jokes a little too hard, slapping him on the back too much, calling him all the time, dressing like him, living vicariously through this person, basically. You're a Dick Rider(DR or DR's from here on out).

All you DR's need to get a grip and be your own person! Look inside yourself, hop down feller and live your life that your missing because you are saddling so hard! Think of all the adventures your not creating by riding so tough.

Which brings me to Entourage. Are you people serious about this shit? A bunch of douche bags side saddling an even bigger ones nuts. This show is on like 5,6 seasons? Of what? A small herd of Troglodytes hanging out? The characters are nothing, literally no thematic elements to them whatsoever. Turtle is the stupid douche bag, tall Affleck or whatever is the over confident douche bag, other dude the sensitive faggy douche, Jeremy Piven does his regular half assed coked up agent shtick and can't forget Adrian Grier or whoever as completely vapid douche.

Entourage sucks. Worst "water cooler" show of my lifetime. Five faggots hanging out, whoop tee fucking do.